episode 05

Episode 5 — Lame! / Pardon me!

Kirara’s mail reaches the villagers via dinosaur-like-creature FedEx. She talks about having 2 samurai, coming back soon, and getting a total of 7 samurai. Manzo worries about samurai coming over and causing turmoil, but the elder reminds him about the Nobuseri threat.

Back in the city, the gang is still not having much luck getting new samurai. Gorobei suggests to Rikichi that he use the following pickup line: “O-samurai-sama, you captured my heart…..” (yes, with its homosexual implications) and to say it with feelings. The which Rikichi practices with much embarassment. Heihachi passes by from behind. (That pilot cap and grin are TOO conspicuous!)

Katsu tallies the recruiting failure rate on a sheet of paper. Kanbei concludes that they still have only 2 samurai (Kanbei and Gorobei: Kanbei still doesn’t count Katsu and Kiku). Kiku gets all steamy again, and crumples up the paper, then Gorobei shreds it. At least, Kanbei says, they managed to keep 1 out of 7. Gorobei asks what about that other samurai? Kanbei muses as he holds a cut to the neck. Elsewhere, it’s shown that Kyuzo has a cut to the neck as well, and he too is musing about Kanbei.

At the end of the day, the gang still has no luck. At their 6th failed attempt, Katsu suggests getting tea. They go to a little restaurant for tea and cakes. The owner talks about another samurai just recently getting tea but not having money to pay, so he’s working for it by chopping wood and making toothpicks. While Kanbei admires the workmanship of the toothpicks, the owner says the samurai was a nice guy, too. Yes, it’s the pilot cap.

The smiling guy in the pilot cap visits Masamune about a sword, a rather cheap one according to Gorobei. Again, that offer about chopping firewood in exchange for the services.

Gorobei finally meets with him at the back of Masamune’s workshop, chopping wood with the sword instead of an axe. Gorobei compliments him on the fine, straight chopping, Hei bows and chops again. “You think I’m not worthy, chopping with a sword?” he asks Gorobei. Gorobei says no, saying it looks more fun than killing.

Heihachi then says he hasn’t killed anyone yet, even if he did help in the last war, not having the constitution for it, being the guy everybody ordered around. He just got buried in mud and thus survived. Gorobei just says that anyone who lives past the war is a hero. He then asks if Hei would consider killing 40 Nobuseri. Hei suddenly drops the sword and facefaults.

When the rest of the gang go back to Masamune’s, Gorobei introduces Heihachi to the group, and the famers can’t believe the great coincidence of seeing the samurai from the restaurant.

Hei gets fed with everyone else. He compliments the rice a lot, talking about eighty-eight hardships to make the rice (evidently a symbol for “88” also stands for “rice”), and 7 rice deities giving the rice as a precious gift. Kirara and Kanbei give the big offer, and he agrees with a grin and too many bows. But Kiku asks why Hei knows so much about rice if he’s a samurai. Kiku then takes out a LONG family tree, desperately trying to convince them of his samurai lineage, but pointing to a woman, then a 13-year old boy (This proves that he can’t read — samurai and merchants should know how to read, but it’s an optional thing for farmers). Kanbei asks where he stole it, but Kiku denies it, as general laughter rings.

The next morning, Kiku challenges Hei and draws out his sword. But Hei calls him a samurai, saying in many philosopher-type words that it’s the spirit that counts, not the body. Kiku is happily surprised, and suddenly accepts him.

The gang walks along for more recruiting but runs into Hyougo. Kiku makes the first attack. But Hyougo says he has no business with mechanical samurai, leaving Kiku to a tin-can soldier. Hyougo then challenges Kanbei, calling him a monkey leader. Katsu steps in between them to defend his sensei, but Kanbei tells him to defend the civilians. The fight between Kanbei and Hyougo, and Kiku and the tin-can soldier, begin. But another tin can soldier comes around.

McGyver sparks into action. Heihachi gets a pipe, wires and something like a fishing pole. He winds it around a pillar. He trips one of the tin cans, then pulls at the pillar, pulling down everybody. It makes Kirara fall as Katsu catches her. Hei wraps the wire around Kiku, then throws a line at Katsu, just in time to save the teenagers from a sheer drop. Hei throws another line to Kanbei. Kanbei strikes Hyougo and makes him fall out of reach.

Kirara gives her thanks to Katsu, and Kanbei thanks Heihachi. Kanbei also says thanks to the 13-year old boy (Kikuchiyo), who is then left behind as he steams.

Ayamaro’s men and Ukyo run to find the Imperial messenger murdered in the meeting chamber.


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